When you hear the phrase self-care, do you immediately imagine a scene of a spa? I know I did. I used to picture a fluffy robe, flickering candles with the promise of a full day of pampering. But as quickly as that image appeared in my mind, it disappeared into the "not gonna happen" category. With three kids, homeschooling, work, and everything else that filled my life, self-care never seemed realistic. The result? I didn't take very good care of myself. I kept going and going until I was completely burned out and needed an entire weekend to regroup... Which I couldn't get because, well, life.
It led me to rethink self-care. What is it really? And why do we always look at it as a selfish pursuit? This definition struck me. "Self-care is the practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness." When I viewed it through this lens, it seemed more necessary. Don't we all need to protect our own well-being and happiness? In fact, isn't that our job as functioning adults?
And yet other people's needs are SO LOUD. Kids cry. Bosses demand. Friends and family call and text. And then there are all the responsibilities! The laundry and dishes pile up. Kids need to be shuffled to and from activities. The inbox overflows. Wouldn't it be irresponsible to stop and care for yourself when you have so much to do?
In short, the answer is no. It is more loving to yourself and to others to stop for a minute and figure out exactly what you need. Here's a quick three-step approach that helps you to get in touch with those needs. Fluffy robe optional.
Check-In
Because the world is so loud, it's helpful to simply stop for just a moment and see how you feel. Start with your body. Are your shoulders tight? Your teeth clenched? Is your stomach churning or do you feel tightness in your chest? Take note of each signal your body is giving you without judgment.
Next, check-in with your spirit. Is there a sense of calm or are you experiencing anxiety? Are you lonely? Sad? Scared? All of those feelings are okay. They are there to help you so just note them.
Say Thank You
Thank your body and spirit for helping you, even if it's an unpleasant feeling. I know, I know. It sounds a bit nutty. But I promise it helps to release any judgment and to show yourself compassion. Feelings aren't good or bad...They just are. So thank them for coming to help you and ask yourself what you need. Stopping for a few minutes to listen to your body's signals will help you become aware of your needs even when there is chaos around you. What might ease the tension in your shoulders or bring your spirits up?
Respond to Those Needs
There's always a simple step you can take toward caring for yourself once you know how you are feeling. Maybe the loneliness is a signal to reach out and send a quick text to a friend. Or maybe the anxiety is coming from the demands of work and you just need to step outside for some fresh air. You'll know you've landed on a good solution when it makes you feel calm just thinking about that experience. Now do that loving thing for yourself. It will take practice, but eventually, the entire sequence will become second nature and you will experience greater peace as you go through your days.
I'll just leave you with this quote from Maya Angelou.
"I learned a long time ago the wisest thing I can do is be on my own side."
May you always be on your own side.
Love,
Kate
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