4 Ideas for Rediscovering You

After leaving an abusive relationship, it can feel overwhelming to begin to make your own decisions again. There might be uncertainty about what you like or how you will feel when you make a choice. You were boxed into what your abuser would allow and told not to feel or think for yourself. You may have even reaped consequences if you tried to think or feel for yourself. And you might just not remember what you like. Maybe it’s been 5 or 10 years since you had options. Let me remind you that you are not alone in this. Approximately 1 in 3 women experience some type of abuse in their lifetime. You are not alone in this journey to rediscover who you are!

Because rediscovering yourself and moving toward feeling empowered are sometimes new and scary endeavors, here are 4 ways you can start to move in that direction-

Break it into smaller steps. If you oversee your finances for the first time ever or the first time in a long time, start by listing out your expenses and then prioritizing them. Compare that with your income and adjust as needed. Or if you have more free time now than before, daydream about what you might enjoy adding into your day. Then block off a portion of time for that and see how it goes. You don’t have to have a perfect plan or have it all together right out of the gate.

Recall an earlier time. Knowing what you enjoy might be a foreign concept. It’s been a long time since you were allowed to think about or practice those things. Think back to a time you felt most like you. A time you felt good, at peace, free to be yourself. Now consider how you spent your time? Who was in your circle? Who was not in your circle and what was not on your calendar? Exploring past experiences can give us a starting point for new ones.

Try new things. It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfect. You can try rollerblading again and if you hate it now, even though you liked it in college, that’s ok. Maybe you’re curious about a career change so you take a college course to see if it suits you. Afterward, you might discover it doesn’t but that’s ok. It’s ok to try and fail or try and change your mind.

Experiment with new feelings. Anger, grief, despair are likely feelings you’ve felt in waves during your abuse. It’s ok if you still feel those. It’s also ok if you experiment with finding joy or peace again. Allow yourself to feel those even if it’s scary, new, or uncertain. As you get free, you may feel more comfortable welcoming and allowing those feelings to stay for a while.

Remember that any small choice can move you toward feeling empowered, even if you don't get the outcome you thought because YOU are making choices again for yourself. You are re-learning that you are capable. You’ve got this my friend. One step at a time!