Being constantly criticized has a way of quieting us. When our words incite anger, coldness, or a harsh rebuke, we learn quickly that silence leads to peace. We learn that our hearts are protected when we are silent. But as we protect our hearts, we lose so much. We suppress our emotions and lose touch with them. We stop wondering what we want and focus only on what others want. We forget how to dream and how to hope. And eventually, we feel as if we are only a shell of ourselves.
I've heard women describe it by saying they are dying inside. I've heard them say the light inside is disappearing and they don't even remember who they are anymore. If you are there today, hear this truth. Jesus is closer to you than ever. "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5 NIV) Although the pain is deep, He is shining His light into your situation and He will help you to overcome it. But what does that look like? How can you even begin?
Support
Finding sources of support is one of the most transformative steps in the healing process. You may have been isolated from close friends and family members over the years and you may not have access to people who really understand. Online or in-person support groups can be a haven for your hurting heart. Connecting with others that have the same struggles will give you the freedom to begin to explore your emotions in a safe setting. Group leaders help guide discussions that promote learning and healthy communication. We offer support groups locally and there's several others listed on our resource page.
Education
Understanding what has happened to you and why is empowering. Suddenly, you have words to describe your experience and clarity on who is doing the harming and who is being harmed. This fuels you to begin to speak out against this kind of treatment and to begin to make decisions that lead to you being respected and loved in your relationships. You can begin by simply following advocacy leaders on social media. A few of our favorites are Patrick Weaver, Andrew Bauman, Sarah McDugal, Shannon Thomas, and Natalie Hoffman. Learning their stories and seeing how they use their voices to promote change is inspiring.
Counseling/Coaching
Having an advocate that validates your experience and supports you will begin to loosen the hold that the abuse has had on you. You have stayed silent and tried to please him in order to stay safe for a long time. Many women tell us that they feel completely disconnected, as if their mind is separate from their body. A coach or counselor can help you reconnect to the here and now and begin to feel and express your emotions. There are ways to use your voice in order to create safety, and a coach or counselor can help you explore them. They will gently guide you through the healing process so that your strength and sense of self is restored.
Prayer
As you regain your voice, you may not be able to articulate your needs to God. You may be angry with Him or feel as if He has abandoned you. The Psalms show us that God can handle our anger, our questions, and even our prayers that don't have words. I sometimes find that praying the Psalms gives me words when my voice has been muted by fear. Here is my prayer over you from Psalm 17.
"I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;
turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
Show her the wonders of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
Keep her as the apple of your eye;
hide her in the shadow of your wings
from the wicked who are out to destroy her,
from her mortal enemies who surround her."
He is mighty to save, my friend. Your voice WILL return and you will use it to speak truth and light into this dark world.
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