We talk a lot about boundaries around here, and many times those boundaries are built around others. They are "if, then" statements like, "If you decide to yell at me, I will walk away from the conversation". But what about the impact those hurtful words have on our spirits and our souls? How can we maintain safety when those things are said unexpectedly from someone you trust?
I have to admit, I have struggled with this a lot throughout my life. Someone throws a zinger at me and I internalize it and let it roll around in my mind for WAY too long. But I've learned this simple yet effective way of choosing what I allow into my mind and what I don't. It's called an internal boundary.
I am a very visual person and it helped me to imagine a waiting room in my mind. Critical statements are all welcome in the waiting room, but that is where they are evaluated. I ask myself a very simple but critical question - "Was the statement true?"
If it does it line up with who I know myself to be, I will allow it into my mind. I can then take it as constructive criticism. If it is not true, I can attribute the statement to the other person's pain. If I have been kind and respectful, I do not need to take on their opinion of me. I know who I am.
I encourage you to build and decorate your own internal waiting room. Let it be a place of protection and safety where only life-giving thoughts can continue into your soul. Let it be a place of discernment and wisdom so that you can distinguish truth from lies. Write down the interaction if it helps to begin to disentangle it. Ask yourself, "what am I believing that may not be true?" Let your intuition be your guide and trust it. You were given your intuition as a sacred gift and it will not lead you astray.
What truths do you hold about yourself? I'll start for you. You are:
worthy of love
a chosen child of God
someone who deserves respect and care
beautiful
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