"Women consistently underestimate their own abilities." Sheryl Sandberg
Did that just blow your mind like it did mine? Do you relate to her story somehow? I know I do. I often second guess my abilities and think that any success is because of some other outside factor. I can be relentlessly hard on myself, fighting against some inner need to prove that I have what it takes to...(fill in the blank).
Maybe you do, too.
There's a term called imposter syndrome that means you doubt your actual abilities and feel like a fraud. Even when there is countless evidence that prove that you have achieved great things, you continue to feel as if it will all disappear when "they figure it out."
As you become more empowered, you will lessen your exposure to toxic people, but their voices may still be in your head telling you all the things you cannot do. Imposter syndrome can sink its teeth into you and steal your ability to stand up and say, "I've got this!" This happens because someone has been telling you for so long that you don't measure up and you internalize those messages as truth. Your brain builds a defense mechanism that tells you that the criticism wouldn't be so constant if you could just get it right. You strive and strive for perfectionism, thinking this will get you away from the constant threat of someone tearing you down only to realize that you are completely spent, and nowhere closer to the love and acceptance you crave. Perfection is the enemy, not the cure.
Vulnerability is the first step to begin to release the foothold of self-doubt. It can be scary
to feel as if you might be opening yourself up to more criticism, but admitting to the loving and safe people in your life that you have doubts can open the floodgates of acceptance. It may even give them the permission they need to admit that they worry about the same things. True connection with others happens when we can allow our humanness to come through. Take a moment to ask God to show you someone that consistently builds you up and try sharing one small thing with them.
Second, take a quick inventory of all of your skills and abilities. Go on...Grab a pen and paper and write some things down. If your house is beautifully decorated, say so. List "decorator" or "interior designer" as one of your skills. Do you homeschool your kids? List "teacher". Are you an amazing baker? Did you win a volleyball championship in high school? Pay your own way through school? Write it down. Sometimes seeing our accomplishments and skills in black and white can help reinforce the truth that we are NOT imposters, but women of God who have endless gifts to offer this world. I once heard someone say that God hides jewels inside each of us as He creates us and waits in joyful expectation for us to find our hidden gifts. Begin to find yours and embrace them.
The last step is to embrace and reframe your failures (perceived or real). For example, I could say that I'm a college dropout or I could say that I fought hard to climb out of depression and am able to show great compassion to others because of that experience. While both are technically true, only one of them will help me see the value and worth of those difficult experiences. As you think through the hardships in your life, reframe it through the eyes of Jesus. What would he think of how you were treated or the choices you made? What does He have to say about your value? Remember, friend, that you are, "more precious than jewels" (Proverbs 3:15) and you are "God’s masterpiece. He has created you anew in Christ Jesus, so you can do the good things he planned for you long ago." (Ephesians 2:10)
You are not an imposter. You are whole, and you don't deserve the burden of those lies. I'm celebrating your courage today as you begin to take a fresh look at who God created you to be. I just know there are gems hidden in you that are yet to be found. If you are comfortable, I'd love to hear just one of your amazing skills below so that I can celebrate it. I'll start.
I am a talented and creative cook. (whew...that was harder than I thought. Cheering for you guys!)
Love,
Kate
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