Let's face it. This healing stuff is hard work. In order to have true healing, you have to face memories and realities that you may have avoided for months, years, and sometimes decades. Those memories can feel incredibly overwhelming; it can feel as if opening that emotional door will create a tsunami that you cannot control or survive. I see you and I understand those feelings deeply. If you've taken any steps toward healing, I applaud your bravery. I see your courage. I am broken hearted by your pain and tears. Jesus is, too.
It can be hard to understand how a Jesus who loves you could have let those terrible things happen to you. Know that it's okay to be wrestling with that. He can take your anger and your questions, and He can love you through that process. In fact, He is central to that healing process. He hates the sins and crimes that have been committed against you and wants nothing more than to give you freedom from the pain you've experienced. The process of healing involves taking stock of that damage, understanding the impact and ripple effects of that wound, and then shining the light of His truth on that experience.
It's common to minimize our pain by comparing it with others' experiences. We are exposed to horrific sins in the media and think our pain is nothing compared to whatever that other woman/person/child went through. Know that your pain is valid and it is real, even if your experience differed from someone else's. Someone hurt you and that was wrong. Feeling the weight of that matters, because you matter. Please know that it was not your fault. Say it with me: IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. It wasn't about what you did, said, or wore. It wasn't because you weigh too much or not enough. It wasn't because you were too available or not available enough. You were harmed, and that was wrong.
The next step is to truly face the ripple effects of that harm. Women share with us that their confidence is destroyed, they feel broken and dirty, they are depressed, they have sleepless nights and zombie-like days. They say their thinking is scattered and memories seem to be missing large chunks of time. Their stomachs are upset and their headaches take them down for days at a time. What has the impact been to you? How has your life been affected by the trauma you experienced?
That pain is real, and the impact to you is real. But there is hope. There is healing. This pain in your past doesn't have to determine yourq future. Our God promises to give us hope and a future, and we get to be a part of that miracle. I'll bet you've already joined Him in that mighty work.
I recently learned a helpful exercise that can help you begin to see the healing that's already happened, and I'd love for you to try it with me. It's called the Was/Am exercise. Write down a statement of the past pain like, "I was betrayed by my spouse," and then finish the sentence with something you are now. You may say something like, "but now I am freeing myself from blame for his cheating." Here are a couple more for you.
"I was attracted to abusive men, but now I am seeing the difference between safe and unsafe people."
"I was depressed, but now I am journaling and working toward healing."
Take a moment to write out or think of a few of these statements so that you can see how much healing has happened or is in the process of happening. Let it wash over you like a soothing balm so that you can begin to rest and know that God really is working in the midst of this pain. Recognize the courage it has taken for you to take the steps you've taken. It's only the beginning - Freedom is coming!
Can I pray for you?
Lord, you know her pain and you've caught every tear she's cried. Thank you for being a faithful father. Jesus, this healing journey is so hard. Let her feel your presence today. Show her how far she's already come and intervene when she begins to believe the lie that she is irrevecobly broken. Show her the truth. Your truth. She is chosen. She is more precious than rubies. She is your masterpiece. Hold her today, God, and encourage her.
In Jesus name, Amen.
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